LIFE HAPPENS

Just in case anyone notices that nothing new is coming up....I am in Pittsburgh on a family emergency....hope to be back by early next week....not much in the mood for rehashing thing right now...sorry..

THE LONG BEACH PLAYHOUSE (Drama 101)

"Dead Wrong" Went and saw the opening night of this little comedy very funny....a comedy about a NY Italian Family that buries it's families members in the backyard. Things get crazy from there, get the picture.

I have been a long time supporter of the Long Beach Playhouse and get invited on occasion to events like this. It is usually myself, my guest and 150 Long Beach Blue Hair's. Super sweet folks. It is such a cute place, they have a champagne reception with a crappy buffet, the food always goes along with the theme of the play...the Blue Hairs just love it. They act as if the actors are all big time starts too...I just adore old people and the theatre, this is perfect combo.

While shredding some bills I came across a letter from the playhouse, how had I miss this. It wasn't one of the regular mailers and did not appear to be the standard cry for funds package. I tore it open and it was an invitation for two to the opening night of the earlier mentioned play, and the date was holy cow today. Wow it was 3:00PM on Saturday and I really had not planned on doing anything. I called the "Fancy" one and asked if she wanted to go, she said "sure" with that Brooklyn accent thing, it comes and goes...

I can finally almost even think of what Nancy looks like in between dates not entirely still ...very very strange. From the first glimpse of Joanne I never forgot what she looked like. I was wondering if I could describe Nancy to a police sketch artist well enough to have her arrested or not, I doubt it.

Nancy said she would be pressed for time, the Play Started at 7:30 and she had to get ready and drive all the way to Huntington so she had to run. I feel for women in general, I think they all are beautiful in there own special way, not sure why they feel they aren't.  

Fancy got to my house and that was the first time she met my daughter Tara, Fancy walked to the family room and saw Tara standing in the kitchen, she was so startled by Tara's presence that it may as well have been Vlad the Impaler. While I fight tooth and nail with my daughter seemingly on a daily basis, I will say that she is twice as mature as both of Fancy's young adults put together and she was very hospitable to Nancy, she even told her how nice it was to finally meet her and that she had been looking forward to meeting her for a while now, the whole nine yards. Well Tara left for adventures unknown a few minutes later and Nancy proceeded to slap me on the arm, not like some love tap either, like wham...then she yelled "Why didn't you tell me your daughter was home" Wow...guess I am used to her being here I blurted out. I could kind of understand but really not so much...

We made it to the show on time, and Nancy (being from Brooklyn and half Italian) just thought it was the funniest thing ever, for some reason however she wasn't really into chatting with the Blue Hairs after the show, I never could figure that out either. They are so cute, I love chatting them up, they have the best stories.

We stopped of on the way back to Casa Jimbo and had a cocktail at some place over in the Marina...the house band was playing one of my favorite songs,"Almost" by Elvis Costello a slow melodic jazz number and I asked her to dance, once again she declined saying no one else was dancing...it was probably for the best, I had not even considered why I love the song so much these days.

Dickie Bird used to tell me, "Boy" ( just in case you don't know why I always am referring to myself and why my Nana referred to me as a boy, silly boy, or the boy all the time is because that is what Dickie called me...always...not my brother he was Don...I was The Boy) "Boy, you wouldn't ever worry about what everyone is thinking of you, if you would just realize how seldom they do" I don't think I have been self conscious in public settings since I was 10..thanks Dickie Bird.

We made it back to my house and I made espresso, we sat in the back yard and talked it was a really nice October night in HB...I have some really really tall Palms in my yard and they look great in the moonlight. Well we started talking about the night and ended up talking about why I a hadn't warned her that Tara would be home. Would she have dressed differently or brought a gun or what would have been different, I could not get an answer.

Conversation turned towards her family and we discussed her hatred of her sibling. Nancy told me of the time that her brother had injected his opinions and actually seemed to be taking contrary sides during her second divorce in Atlanta...ATLANTA.? SECOND DIVORCE? OK so what I thought was number two had now become number 3 in the blink of an eye, I asked her to continue, she told me that she was exhausted and still had to drive all the way back to YORBA LINDA (not sure if she was hinting at staying but)...well she had just met my kid for the first time and so no way in hell was she getting invited to stay...I mean I could have put her up in the guest room but the thought never occurred to me....

A quick kiss goodnight, and off she went. I had a business trip coming up in a couple weeks. Had to go to Vegas to audit a company on an acquisition I was working on, I thought hey maybe I will extend the trip though the weekend too, see if she wants to come...hmmmm....yeah that sounds good.

Later that night I put that Elvis Costello song on the stereo for another listen, I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I never saw it coming.

Water always finds the path of least resistance, even though sometimes it just seems like such a long way to go.

Almost blue
Almost doing things we used to do
There’s a girl here and she’s almost you
Almost all the things that your eyes once promised
I see in hers too
Now your eyes are red from crying
Almost blue
Flirting with this disaster became me
It named me as the fool who only aimed to be
Almost blue
It’s almost touching it will almost do
There’s a part of me that’s always true...always
Not all good things come to an end now it is only a chosen few

I’ve seen such an unhappy couple
Almost me
Almost you

Almost blue

SURF AND SAND ANYONE?

Th' expense of spirit in a waste of shameIs lust in action, and till action, lustIs perjur'd, murd'rous, bloody, full of blame,Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust,Enjoy'd no sooner but despisèd straight,Past reason hunted, and no sooner had,Past reason hated as a swallowed baitOn purpose laid to make the taker mad. . . .(shakespeare)

"Man's demise lye in his loins, while his heart has bounds, his mind has none". (priest)

Anyway you look at it, the whole sleeping with Fancy thing was not a great idea, not blaming her and not crucifying myself either, just saying at that moment in time I was already trudging down a path of utter confusion may as well make Jim's folly complete.

Ok so we are just about halfway thru with this, should we continue....oh sure why not.

We went to see the Greg Adams Band back at Spaghettini, great show..I have know Greg since way back in the Tower of Power days before he was a grammy winner, so when they play around his wife calls and asks if I want to come, Fancy thought this was really cool...giant name card on our table..the band acknowleding their friends in the crowd. She was chair dancing, I asked her if she wanted to dance and she was to embarrased because no one else was...like who cares, you either want to dance or not, am I wrong? Is everyone really watching and if they are what do they do with the information.

I am sure there were some less eventful dates in between, I afterall at this point was in a "Relationship" fully commited to do whatever it was that I had no idea of what it was that I was doing, or something like that.

Fancy's Birthday was right around the corner, I thought it would be nice to take her somewhere, nothing to crazy its only been like 6 weeks at this point. So I invited her to spend her Birthday weekend with me at the Surf and Sand, we would eat at Splashes get massages trot around Laguna, maybe shop...you get the idea, a really relaxing weekend, sounds like fun right. So I call and ask her and SHE loves the idea, I book it and we are on. The next day she calls me and says that she changed her mind, she wants to cook and have her kids over for dinner. I told her that was fine with me afterall its was her birthday. I told her that I would come over and take her out to dinner for her Birthday on Friday....oh no she said, I want you to meet my kids...ah oh, that sounds a um uh great.....much better than the Surf and Sand thing.

Sunday was her actual birthday...so I went over on Friday Night and threw a little surprise party, I don't need adult children of Fancy Nancy's stealing my thunder. I brought a movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's" with me, dinner from the Wild Artichoke where we had dined for our first real dinner date...I also brought a flourless chocolate cake, a day pass to Spa Gregory, Teuscher's Truffles and a card, nothing to sappy just a cute card.. She was very happy with her gifts as evidence that I graduated from the guest room that night.

I looked around trying to figure out what the big deal was, why we didn't come up here the last time, its nice...hey why is the dog in here? I am not sure about anyone else, but I don't do dogs in the bedroom unless sleeping is the only thing going on. Call me dogophobic or whatever but just not going down that road...no I am not thank you very much, I ended up letting Lilly out of the room on several occasiosn between then and morning, kept wandering how she was getting back in....I think FANCY would have been just fine with her in the room(creeped me out a bit). I even got up and made us breakfast in the morning, she had some odd combinations of food in the fridge but enough to put together some feta omlettes with tomatoe and clamata olives..yum I love that combo.

I was starting to feel more comfortable with the situation, not so much internal struggling going on in my head, but still something was missing(hmm), I wasn't going to worry about...at least not for now. Why rock the boat right.

The Birthday Roses were delivered on Saturday....she called and thanked me....asked me to come up a little earlier on Sunday if I could and help her get everything ready.. I agreed afterall it was her birthday why should she be doing all the prep.

When I got there her son Robert was sleeping on the couch, or sort of sleeping, nice that he could help her I thought. She made Chicken Parmesean, it was edible, that is all I am saying I made a cesear salad...Her daughter Jennifer arrived and started chruning out the "Cosmo's". Oh its a family thing I guess. Shortly after Jennifer's friend arrived, we had dinner and the kids made sport of Nancy the entire time, it verged on embarrasing, not sure what my place in this was so mildly uncomfortable. I popped the champagne that I brought and it took the edge off a bit.

Dinner mercifully ended, we did the cake that Nancy had made for herself...sheesh great kids. They left right after giving there mother a group gift, WTF is that about I thought...it wasn't like they pitched in and bought her a house or something...

I helped with the dishes, and she told me all about how rough her breakup with the father had been on the kids and that they still resented it a bit. I asked her when that was and she told me 20 years ago...(WHAT??) hmmmmm....I knew she had been divorced 5 years prior....I gotta start paying better attention. I need to call Hanna and get some better intel...

Still I ploded on, there is something to be said for having a comfort level established...not sure why that might be but we do tend to get used to what we have and that in some from is comfortable...

230 OR BUST?

How I Met My Blogger

In all fairness I do have to write something about this, yes? 

I had some apprehensions when I first made the reservation at 230, you see my first date with the only woman I developed any real feelings for since my wife passed was also at 230 and I wasn't 100% sure if it would be creepy or not. IT WAS.

I know better than to think I would fall into a good parking spot, Laguna Beach 7ish...Forest Drive just not going to happen, but I am stubborn and so I circled the block twice before surrendering and cruising a couple streets over to find a spot, I parked got out and started walking over.  Just then zoom zoom, my date pulled up...we spotted each other at the same time.  She stopped and I showed her there was a spot right in front of me.

Charmaine has tried to tell me on a couple of occasions that she has aged 100 years since the photo that I have seen was taken,  she lied.  She popped out of her car and wow, she is a really gorgeous woman.  We started walking to the restaurant together and all of the sudden whoops her top came open.  I made a comment about wardrobe malfunction and she seemed to be oblivious to what I had said, I think she was busy trying to rescue her Bust from running free in Laguna Beach.  

We had arrived about 10 minutes early and the place was packed, I figured we would be standing on the street having a drink and get to talk for a moment, nope they seated us immediately. And  of course they seated us at the exact same table as my last date there, with Charmaine in the same chair that 00nancy had occupied in March, despite my best efforts I kept having thoughts about oonancy thru the whole night, thanks God you are a really funny dude sometimes.  (for the record 00nancy is not the same as Fancy Nancy) 

I am not sure but I think the manager started asking us how everything was before my ass hit the chair. It was so noisy I couldn't hear myself think.  My date was ever so busy arranging herself over and over (poor thing I felt bad for her), I am a gentleman and did not say a word about it. Do you have any idea how distracting having a beautiful woman arranging and rearranging her breasts in front of you all night while you try and have a conversation is? At the same time it was amusing to say the least, the other men in the place were enjoying it and that was for sure. 

We had dirty martini's and our meal was on the table before 7:30, seriously I felt like an old record being played on the wrong speed. I think the manager asked how everything was for the second time right as I was getting ready to take my first bite. I had to tell him to knock it off and slow down a little. 

Despite it all we forged on and finished our meals took a short but somewhat uncomfortable walk up and down Forest then straight to the cars, then a little hug and off she went.  I am a fairly attractive and confident guy, I gotta say I felt a bit intimidated and I am still not sure why.  Oh well Ces't le Vie.  

Certainly don't see romance on the horizon, just one of those not so much on the chemistry things.  In guy talk, that means she didn't seem interested in me at all, not in any way shape or form.

Hopefully I will still get to run some stairs or have an occasional meal with her she is a great gal..  Regarding my first opinion of her, the one where I said she was CHARMING, WITTY AND CUTE well they have changed a little, she is CHARMING WITTY AND BEAUTIFUL. 

How do you do, I see you've met my, Faithful handyman!

How I met my wife:

This one is for you Spicy, going to try and counter the venom after you read Ti Amo.

I came to California for my 21st Birthday, it was a gift from my parents.  I think they just were really thinking that maybe this way I wouldn't be throwing huge keg/pool parties at the house all summer but it only delayed the inevitable.

I had stayed in contact with a couple of my best friends from my one and only year of high school in California and so I had a place to stay and friends I had not seen in years and it was after all California YES it is ON...

The fellows lived at some apartment complex in Fullerton just off of Harbor called The Pine Tree, oh yeah tons of pines for sure. I hated it, all I wanted to do was to be at the beach and all they wanted to do was play volleyball at the apartments.  They were the kings of the sand (at the freaking apartments). Now not to toot my own horn HONK HONK, but I am a better than average athlete and played some VB in high school, so I found a partner and we kicked there King Asses all over the sand...Bump Set Spike...thank you very much...but enough of this dribble...

The guy that I that played with me, ended up being my best friend as the years rolled by like a broken down damn. He passed away one year before my wife did from a type of Cancer that usually only attacks teenagers, he always did refuse to grow up.  I Love you Steve, and I miss you beyond fucking words.

Steve asked me later that day if I had ever seen the Rocky Horror picture show, I told him I had but only once and it was in Boston (I tried to go to school in Bean town but found the fun to be way to distracting) and I was a little inebriated (the drinking age was 18 in Mass).  He told me that the whole Rocky horror scene was a cool or bitchin or some other term from the 70s, there was an old theatre in Fullerton called the Fox. They alternated between showing Harold and Maude and The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I agreed of course not having a clue how that decision would change my life forever.

We got to the theatre and met some of Steve's friends, they told us they had met some chicks at the beach (why didn't we go to the beach I thought) and that the chicks were coming to hook up with them at the movies and then go partying with them.  At least that was the plan they had, little did any of us know that fate had other ideas. 

As the streams of Frankenfurter's and Brad's and Janet's and all the other characters paraded past on their way into the theatre I started to grow impatient and told Steve I was going in, just then his friend, what's his name is what I called him from that day forward yelled there they are, I turned to look, he was right well sort of...there SHE was, was much more like it....goose bumps on my arm right now, no kidding.  She walked right up to me, I looked at her and she had the biggest green eyes and was as Dickie Bird would say cute as a button, she looked right in my eyes and gave me the cutest Cheshire smile I have to this day ever seen in my life.  "Hi I'm Joanne" OH MY GOD was all I could think.  I of course stammered a bit and came up with the appropriate "Hi I'm Jim" and in an instant old what's his name jumped in between us and whisked her away in the blink of an eye. The next thing I remember was her turning and saying "you coming or what".  I realized that I must have been frozen in time for a few moments because they were at the door already and I was still a good 20 feet behind. I responded by trotting after her like a puppy bounding to anyone that calls. She turned again and looked at me and said "Hurry Up".

While the menagerie of The Rocky Horror was playing out in front of us with everyone laughing and throwing toast and shouting along, I was busy stealing glances at this adorable little stranger. It wasn't very long before she noticed that I kept staring, she would catch me and smile that smile, the butterflies would float in my stomach. How do I get rid of what's his name became my newest mission in life, as it turned out I never had to do a thing.  All of the sudden the lights came on and they announced that everyone had to get out of the theatre, apparently the fire dept and the police were there, the place was oversold, everyone was smoking weed and they were shutting it down.

In the confusion of the mass exodus the group was disjointed, I ended up side by side with Joanne and her friend Stephanie.  We made it thru the crowd to the street and started looking for the rest of the crew.  I asked her where she was from, "Ohio" well Pennsylvania really but I live in Ohio now".  "I just finished nursing school",  I kept asking her questions rapid fire as fast as I could, I wanted to find out where she was staying how long she was staying for but was interrupted by Steve and the others showing up. Their plan was to go get some beer and go back to their apartment,  out of nowhere Joanne looked right at me and said "what do you want to do Jim?" From that moment I loved when she said my name. I blurted out that I had just turned 21 and I wanted to go to a bar, some of Steve's friends weren't 21 yet and so they were insisting we go party at their pad.  Joanne said and I almost fell over. "I want to go to a bar, with Jim" "Right Steph, you said you wanted to go out, not in, right?".  Stephanie agreed with a resounding "If I wanted to go to an apartment party I would have stayed in Cleveland".  Off we went with the crew of guys standing mouths agape. We went to Angelo and Vince's, a cool Italian place right on Harbor, we drank wine and talked until the place closed, they drove me back to the apartments, the three of us in the front seat in her Dodge Dart, me in the middle. I still remember how soft her lips were when she gave me that first little kiss goodnight (with Stephanie sitting inches away). I got the phone number of where they were staying and called her the next morning, we went to the beach the that day, and the next, and everyday after until she left to go home, back to Ohio. It was the most fun I had ever had in my life and I wanted more.

The chase was on.

I have thanked Stephanie a million times for making that decision over the years, last weekend as a matter of fact on the phone.  She and Joanne were best friends to the bitter end, she still lives in Ohio but we speak often.  She stayed at my house for the entire three weeks that Joanne was home under Hospice care, she rubbed my shoulders while I cried and kissed my wife goodbye for the last time. (she reminded me that she had been there for the first kiss too) We laughed for a brief moment and tried to fight through the tears but they just kept coming.

 

I am convinced that all things happen for a reason, although I seldom know the reason at the time.  I forget this over and over,  but all I need to do is take a look at my life, and its all the evidence I need. 

Ti Amo and Menopause the Musical

One of my friends from the Pub that I play pool at told me one night about a Fancy Nancy book series, yes by this point all of my friends referred to her as "Fancy", I would get a call "Jim we are going to the angel game on Saturday are you in or are you doing something with "Fancy"?" or "How are things with you and Fancy going" any way I googled it and trust the laugh is certainly worth the effort.

Despite everything that had transpired to this point, I was still having fun and that seemed paramount at this point, but I still really didn't have a clue of what it was that I was trying to accomplish with this whole dating thing. Was I running to something or was I running from something?

I love live theatre Broadway to Community, started when I was in 5th grade. I was in a summer theatre group (Debbie Glover was joining so I did too), after a few days in I was hooked, ended up by the end of summer I was going to be in the High School Production of Oliver....not a principal just one of the orphans and also a member of Faigan's gang but still quite the coup for a soon to be 6th grader, and of course Debbie Glover became my first 6th grade sweetheart. She had fabulous hair. Wait a minute here boy did I jump the tracks or what....

So I get all the updates from all the local theatres, Laguna Beach Playhouse being one, I received the notice that they were doing a production of Menopause the Musical...if you get a chance go see it. Funny as hell....especially with an audience full of hot flashers. I got some tickets and called Fancy who by the way was one year my senior. She thought it sounded exciting and that date was set.

Normally I would have made dinner reservations somewhere around downtown Laguna but for some reason I decided to make reservations at Ti Amo (have the lamb oso bucco), I hadn't been for a while as with everything else...my daughter loves Ti Amo, especially the Parmesan bowl that the Cesar comes in.

Honest to god, it was 108 in Yorba Linda when I arrived at her house, this time I brought Roses and the arrangement was spectacular and they were in a vase so she was at a total loss as to what she should do next...she just gave me a big hug and a kiss and said thank you. I never mentioned that her dog used to get so excited evey time I came over, her name was Lilly and she was really very cute, I am a sucker for a dog. Fancy turned to me and asked me if I would take Lilly out to "make" while she went to the restroom. "make"? who says that...well it was a term I heard numerous times in the weeks to come...come on lil lets go make. (snap out of it jim)

Off we went streaking towards the coast, I watched the external temperature fall...95..90..85, yes by the time we hit South Laguna it was a mere 82 degrees...nice...We were seated at my favorite table...well its more of a booth really but you get the breeze from the ocean and and can see out the window...ordered myself some Chianti and FANCY even changed it up and had pomegranate martini...whooohooo...things were changing. It was a nice relaxing meal the food is always yummy there, NANCY was sad that she was to full to have dessert, I told her I had that taken care of already, its a surprise.

We got to the theatre minutes before show time, but of course I have my secret parking spot, its the building adjacent to the playhouse, you have to pay a bit but zip its covered and you walk through an entry and right into the terrace area of the playhouse. The show was a total riot, FANCY was yelping and squeezing my arm and the rest of the audience was howling along I called them the Perry Menopausal Choir, the show only has four characters and the whole thing takes place in Bloomingdale's it is really cute. All the songs are baby boomer tunes with parody lyrics...

During intermission I got us some water while FANCY went to the ladies room, I got hit on, in a not so casual manner while waiting in line...really....had I had one foot in reality at that moment I would have taken the ladies number.

The show was over and I stop in the restroom and call The Ritz, order a souffle tell them I will be there in twenty minutes.(half chocolate, half granmarnie). We get to the car and start heading up PCH and I asked her if she was ready for dessert, her resounding yes made my plan seem like a real winner. We got to the Ritz, went in sat down and pop the souffle was on the table, now how smooth is that...I had a port and Fancy had a cosmo..go figure...

Regrettable things happen, I know that, I am after all a 52 year old man who has made his fair share of mistakes, has taken responsibility for them paid whatever the consequences were tried to learn my lesson and move on. I think I have done that but this was one of those times.

We got back to Fancy's house and she invited me in for "COFFEE" while the coffee was brewing we played some more of that kissy face thing and more and more and well.....she asked if I would like to go in the bedroom, I accepted the invitation. The funny thing was we went to her guest room, never did get an explanation on that, never asked though...

I am not going to laud the details here but this was the first woman I had been with other than my wife in forever and a day. It was very surreal and basically one of those crazy out of body experiences that you really only have few of in a lifetime. Long story short, I spent the night.

Well I awoke unsure if I had set the trap, fallen into the trap, if there was a trap at all, ...can I get a just get a cup of coffee and get the heck out of here, I think I need a shower and a brillo pad. I feel very confused, shouldn't I be doing some sort of a victory lap or a man dance or something...I am gong to be sick I think...wait a minute, calm down. Nobody killed anyone here, right? We are both adults twice over right? I shouldn't have to convince myself of anything right? This is all just good fun, right nobody is asking for any commitment are they?

I went to my car in the morning dressed in her son's high school gym trunks and t-shirt. He is 26 and live in S.D. (just in case you thought he was home or something). And my trunk wouldn't open. That's odd...I got in the car and it wouldn't start...oh damn the valet at the Ritz must have turned on the lights without the timer.....my battery is dead....Crap....its like over 100 degrees already and I have a dead battery in Yorba Linda. I go back in the house and ask FANCY if she can pull her car out of the garage so I can jump mine, guess what her car is in the Shop...she was getting her windshield replaced. I called AAA it was Sunday and it ended up taking them an hour and a half to get there.

More and more tragic, funny, something...

IN A NEW YORK STATE OF MIND aka the Cocktail Party

Don't really feel like doing this today, but have a conference call going right now and I am BORED, these people just rehash the same questions month after month.

We gotta get out of this place!
If it's the last thing we ever do ...
We gotta get out of this place,
'cause girl, there's a better life ... for me and you

Ok, not that much time but I promised that I would get back to "FANCY".

Fancy invited me to attend a "Cocktail Party", ugh! It would be a chance for her friends to meet me, double ugh! Plus it was in Rancho Santa Margarita of all places. I once had a shirt made that said on the back

INLAND

I DON'T GET IT

I still don't and thought about it every time I drove to the "Fancy" household. It would be 78 in good ole HB and I would drive to Yorba Linda to pick Fancy up and by the time I arrived, easy 100 and this day was noooo different.

Of course I arrived a few minutes early, I called though wasn't going to do that make myself wait in the car thing, it was melty hot out. Had the air conditioner pointing at the flowers during the drive up so as not to have them wilt on me. She did the same crazy ritual with them, I swear on my first of many dead hamsters grave that it took a minimum of one full eternity this time.

Why can't I just turn and walk out the door, oh yeah that't right, I am a widower of a couple years whose wife was very ill for a very long time and that currently has no clue in Gods name as to what he is doing. He does know however that whatever it is that he is doing, he surely doesn't want to do it alone forever. There I said it, wasn't going to bring any of that into any of this dating thing and sorry for doing it, but not so much really; I was thinking Son of a Bitch these folks are going to think you are the biggest loser/pussy that ever walked the planet, well undeniably I was very close to it, but at least this leaves me the wiggle of room of guilty with an explanation.

Drove down on the toll road, it's always amazing to see how much open area still remains in California. Our annual California Fire storms were still in full swing and much of the area had been burned out. Lots of Black Rolling Hills but no Rocky Raccoon. As we neared our exit you could see the smoke. I thought to myself Inland-I don't get it.

Much to my surprise the Cocktail Party was at a small condo, one of Fancy's friends boyfriends house. His garage turned wine cellar was bigger than the rest of the condo..interesting. He had some nice vintage Pinot's and offered them up, best part of the night. None of the ladies had cocktail dresses on and no one was drinking cocktails.....oh with the exception of "Fancy" of course...cute little black cocktail dress and Cosmo in hand. I of course was way over dressed as well, hell I was specifically invited to a Cocktail party in what I was under the impression would be the affluent part of Rancho Santa Margarita. Most of the guys jammed in with there shorts and Haywain prints. Sheesh what a party.

Turns out that all of the women and a few of the men were all from New York and please don't get me wrong I love New York City, I mean I love to visit New York City. Stay at the Waldorf, shop, go to shows, Time Square, Little Italy to Lombardi's for Pizza, China Town and of course The Met...all that being said, when you are visiting Manhattan do you ever notice a heavy NY accent, I don't. Maybe in Long Island, Brooklyn, Staten Island, but not Manhattan. Well with each tick of the clock the accents got thicker, the conversation became oblique at best, and out of the middle of it all was a familiar tone, I focused for a moment as that was all I could stand to, yes right in the center holding court over the New York Accent club was Fancy...in all her glory, black Cocktail Dress and Pearls...was she wearing those when I picked her up? Really?

When all was said and done, I had done my part. Her friends thought the well dressed stranger was very polite, even a little dashing even. I should have worn an ascot that would of put me over the top for sure.

The drive home was seemingly never ending, Fancy recanted stories of her youth in Brooklyn, she talked of her first marriage(did she just say first), then about her brother that she hated, hey this is starting to get good...finally and then I almost drove off the toll road and killed us both when she said it, and she said it with all the earnestness at her command, she gathered herself and took my hand and said, "now Jim I have to tell you this to be fair to you". "I know what a battle you went thru taking care of your wife (Joanne was sick for 7 years with renal cell carcinoma), and well I have to tell you I have FIBROMYALGIA"...

I only had one experience with anyone claiming to have this undiagnosable disease, I used to say she had Fibromyasshurts because all she did was sit around on it. If they prove it I will forever be sorry, but kick me in the nuts when they do cause I want to feel their pain. Did she really just try and compare that to ....no...deny deny deny...she is slightly drunk...I will give her the benefit of the doubt, but can this really be her Disability, can they do that? How can an undiagnosable disease be connected to an undisclosed wrist ailment...my head hurts.

God I wish this date was funnier....so sorry but thought it was going to be, it was just a train wreck. I am a boy, I try to justify it all in my head, figure out what needs to be done to fix it.

Promise, funny next time.