Ti Amo and Menopause the Musical

One of my friends from the Pub that I play pool at told me one night about a Fancy Nancy book series, yes by this point all of my friends referred to her as "Fancy", I would get a call "Jim we are going to the angel game on Saturday are you in or are you doing something with "Fancy"?" or "How are things with you and Fancy going" any way I googled it and trust the laugh is certainly worth the effort.

Despite everything that had transpired to this point, I was still having fun and that seemed paramount at this point, but I still really didn't have a clue of what it was that I was trying to accomplish with this whole dating thing. Was I running to something or was I running from something?

I love live theatre Broadway to Community, started when I was in 5th grade. I was in a summer theatre group (Debbie Glover was joining so I did too), after a few days in I was hooked, ended up by the end of summer I was going to be in the High School Production of Oliver....not a principal just one of the orphans and also a member of Faigan's gang but still quite the coup for a soon to be 6th grader, and of course Debbie Glover became my first 6th grade sweetheart. She had fabulous hair. Wait a minute here boy did I jump the tracks or what....

So I get all the updates from all the local theatres, Laguna Beach Playhouse being one, I received the notice that they were doing a production of Menopause the Musical...if you get a chance go see it. Funny as hell....especially with an audience full of hot flashers. I got some tickets and called Fancy who by the way was one year my senior. She thought it sounded exciting and that date was set.

Normally I would have made dinner reservations somewhere around downtown Laguna but for some reason I decided to make reservations at Ti Amo (have the lamb oso bucco), I hadn't been for a while as with everything else...my daughter loves Ti Amo, especially the Parmesan bowl that the Cesar comes in.

Honest to god, it was 108 in Yorba Linda when I arrived at her house, this time I brought Roses and the arrangement was spectacular and they were in a vase so she was at a total loss as to what she should do next...she just gave me a big hug and a kiss and said thank you. I never mentioned that her dog used to get so excited evey time I came over, her name was Lilly and she was really very cute, I am a sucker for a dog. Fancy turned to me and asked me if I would take Lilly out to "make" while she went to the restroom. "make"? who says that...well it was a term I heard numerous times in the weeks to come...come on lil lets go make. (snap out of it jim)

Off we went streaking towards the coast, I watched the external temperature fall...95..90..85, yes by the time we hit South Laguna it was a mere 82 degrees...nice...We were seated at my favorite table...well its more of a booth really but you get the breeze from the ocean and and can see out the window...ordered myself some Chianti and FANCY even changed it up and had pomegranate martini...whooohooo...things were changing. It was a nice relaxing meal the food is always yummy there, NANCY was sad that she was to full to have dessert, I told her I had that taken care of already, its a surprise.

We got to the theatre minutes before show time, but of course I have my secret parking spot, its the building adjacent to the playhouse, you have to pay a bit but zip its covered and you walk through an entry and right into the terrace area of the playhouse. The show was a total riot, FANCY was yelping and squeezing my arm and the rest of the audience was howling along I called them the Perry Menopausal Choir, the show only has four characters and the whole thing takes place in Bloomingdale's it is really cute. All the songs are baby boomer tunes with parody lyrics...

During intermission I got us some water while FANCY went to the ladies room, I got hit on, in a not so casual manner while waiting in line...really....had I had one foot in reality at that moment I would have taken the ladies number.

The show was over and I stop in the restroom and call The Ritz, order a souffle tell them I will be there in twenty minutes.(half chocolate, half granmarnie). We get to the car and start heading up PCH and I asked her if she was ready for dessert, her resounding yes made my plan seem like a real winner. We got to the Ritz, went in sat down and pop the souffle was on the table, now how smooth is that...I had a port and Fancy had a cosmo..go figure...

Regrettable things happen, I know that, I am after all a 52 year old man who has made his fair share of mistakes, has taken responsibility for them paid whatever the consequences were tried to learn my lesson and move on. I think I have done that but this was one of those times.

We got back to Fancy's house and she invited me in for "COFFEE" while the coffee was brewing we played some more of that kissy face thing and more and more and well.....she asked if I would like to go in the bedroom, I accepted the invitation. The funny thing was we went to her guest room, never did get an explanation on that, never asked though...

I am not going to laud the details here but this was the first woman I had been with other than my wife in forever and a day. It was very surreal and basically one of those crazy out of body experiences that you really only have few of in a lifetime. Long story short, I spent the night.

Well I awoke unsure if I had set the trap, fallen into the trap, if there was a trap at all, ...can I get a just get a cup of coffee and get the heck out of here, I think I need a shower and a brillo pad. I feel very confused, shouldn't I be doing some sort of a victory lap or a man dance or something...I am gong to be sick I think...wait a minute, calm down. Nobody killed anyone here, right? We are both adults twice over right? I shouldn't have to convince myself of anything right? This is all just good fun, right nobody is asking for any commitment are they?

I went to my car in the morning dressed in her son's high school gym trunks and t-shirt. He is 26 and live in S.D. (just in case you thought he was home or something). And my trunk wouldn't open. That's odd...I got in the car and it wouldn't start...oh damn the valet at the Ritz must have turned on the lights without the timer.....my battery is dead....Crap....its like over 100 degrees already and I have a dead battery in Yorba Linda. I go back in the house and ask FANCY if she can pull her car out of the garage so I can jump mine, guess what her car is in the Shop...she was getting her windshield replaced. I called AAA it was Sunday and it ended up taking them an hour and a half to get there.

More and more tragic, funny, something...