Saturday, November 8, 2008


Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you.  They didn't ask for it.   They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.  Love takes hostages,  it gets inside you.  It eats you up and spits you out, then leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "I am so sorry things happened like this" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.


SSP said...

I hate her, whoever she is, for this. But No, I haven't ever been in love. I have had all sorts of unrequited crushes, one that dragged on for years, across continents, not to mention my current quandry. Two men have said the L word to me - one I had no idea he felt that way, and I certainly didn't feel the same....and the other said it after we had been together 3 days and it never rang true, even after 4 months, but by then I felt like I was supposed to say it back, so I did, and we broke up shortly thereafter. I am not a friend of love, and I know this shield you speak of, this suit of armor, this inpenetrable wall of ice and glass you build up around yourself....and I know well the chinks and cracks it has, and sometimes someone worms their way in and tries to stomp on the one last remaining feeling.

JIMSIGHT said...

I don't hate her at all, not in the slightest. I don't really know how to hate, and I don't care how to learn.

I've been wronged, I had plans so big
but the devil in my details
I left out one thing
no one to love me, no one to love

For the want of a nail the shoe was lost
for the want of a shoe the horse was lost
for the want of a horse the rider was lost
for the want of a rider the message was lost.

adventure grrl said...

They say that woman have to forget the pain of childbirth or they would never have another baby. I think it's the same with love... when we meet the next one, somehow we forget how much hurt the last one caused us.

Beautiful post.

Michelle J said...

I love this post.

I hate love though! I also hate word verification!!!

But love eludes me. Or do i elude it!!!

Charmaine said...

Real love does not hurt. It heals.

Wrong or lost love hurts.

Someone once said that love is giving another permission to hurt you. So...maybe it is true after all?

JIMSIGHT said...

Well duh, obviously I was taking poetic licence

Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love? Because its easier...sheesh...

Love ya

Charmaine said...

Hee hee.

If we ever have our date rematch, instead of jumping out of a plane to our deaths, how about Trapeze School in Santa Monica? They guarantee that you won't die. Then maybe lunch at The Lobster followed by walk on beach.

Charmaine said...

Oh and I have a confession to make. On our first date, I was wearing hair extensions. I do, however, actually have hair.

I was thinking if we jumped out of a plane the sight of my fake hair flying out of my helmet into the air might frighten you into a coma. ha ha

JIMSIGHT said...

sheesh I wish I would have read this before I sent you that text, do make me smile Charmaine.

Yes I have very few places that hold any meaning in Santa of my favorite brunch spots in the world is there...The Border Grill...yum freaking yum..oh and Johnnies Pizza...they bring the water in from NY to make the dough...

You need to dismantle the transporter...

hang in there, as cute as you are and with your new mad frisbee skils you will be fine..

Briana said...

Charmaine, about this place that guarantees that you won't die? What happens if they break their contract?
Jim, the very existence of love opens us up to all the rest of the emotions that you listed. That's the quandary. If you don't want to be vulnerable to those feelings, you just don't fall in love.

JIMSIGHT said...

Thanks B, I get it, truly, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.