Saturday, December 6, 2008

Don't Say Oops Like You Dropped a Nickel

Not sure why this didn't post when everyone was discussing wedding's but that's not really important now is it.

My Cousin Jim got married in one of the big old Cathedral's in Pittsburgh a few years back.  One of those huge places where every noise echo's for days.  Well he has four brothers, all of whom were ushers in the wedding and his best friend Jim (yes tons of jims in attendance) was the best man. 

Add those 6 to the 4 bridesmaids and maid of honor and the bride and needless to say it was a fairly large wedding party.  Probably in the neighborhood of 150 to 200 guests, everything was very beautiful.  The two tiny flower girls tossing flowers as they led the endless procession up the aisle were so adorable that the ladies in attendance started crying right off the bat.

The pipe organ blared the opening bars of "Here comes the Bride"  we all turned our heads in unison, Grace looked positively stunning.  She is a very tall Irish lass and made a very lovely bride.  Her dress was gorgeous, I think the train  of her gown must have been at least 20 feet in length.  It all made for a very memorable moment.

She finally arrived at the front of the church after what seemed like hours,  her father handed her off to my cousin, shaking Jim's hand and walking to his pew.

The entire Cathedral went totally silent, the Priest cleared his throat and then it happened, one of those moments to remember through eternity.  The unmistakable sound of one of the hugest farts emanating from the grooms side of the wedding party.  The reverberation rolled down the aisle and touched the back wall of the Cathedral, then headed back towards the alter where it seemingly (from the look on her face) hit the Bride between the eyes.  I didn't think it was possible that the church could become any quieter than it was but believe me it did.  After a moment (century) of very uncomfortable silence my cousin Jim (the groom) taking a visual ques from his bride to be turned and gave his younger brother Joe a look that could easily have made a mountain disappear.  

 Poor Joesph turning as red as a beet, just put his hand to his mouth and let out a very sheepish "OOPS"....Jim shot back almost instantly with 


Oh my freaking god in heaven, after a few seconds of complete and deafening silence EVERYONE in the church started laughing I mean everyone....when the Priest finally got a little composure back he once again (and quite loudly) cleared his throat and started the service.

As you can well imagine; to this day, if you didn't just drop a nickel please don't try saying "oops" anywhere around any of my family.  You will get laughed out of the building.  Unless of course it is my cousins wife Grace, she is more apt to punch you in the nose.


SSP said...

good lord i have tears streaming down my face - everyone in here is looking at me - 2 complete strangers have read your post....THAT could only have happened in real life! Thank you so much for sharing that!!!!!!!!

Diane said...

I just had to explain to my daughter why I was laughing so hard. I'm SO going to use that line in the future (hopefully not when anyone farts, though).

I got put out of church once for laughing at a kid who farted. I got the stink eye from the minister... then my mother... then the lady in front of me... etc. But I couldn't stop... or breathe. My mother pinched me hard and whispered in one of those scary 'Exorcist' voices, "GET OUT NOW".

I solved that problem, though... I just don't go to church anymore.

GREAT story!!!! Wish I'd been there so I could've told it! ;)

Michelle J said...


I am laughing so hard, in fact i just farted!!! Thank goodness i am not in the company of anybody who could hear that fart!!!

I will deny that i farted to anyone who asks!!! Even you!!!


Charmaine said...

I wanna get married in over-alls on some beach like my friend Bobbie ( a.k.a. Boobie) did. Or, if pressed I will marry at the little white chapel in Las Vegas with the understanding that a "flying Elvis" will walk me down the isle. That's the only way I'm doing it.

smellyshelley said...

Hilarious! Weddings are the best.

I remember being at a "formal" wedding when I was a kid and the ring bearer turned and yelled out when he got to the front of the church "DADDY, I GOT TO PEE!"

Hey, I have a mini doxie too, mines a wire hair. He's a pretty cool dude. We also have a scooby doo dog too.

adventure grrl said...

That's okay. You just have to buy me a glass of wine when you're in LA :)

adventure grrl said...

I call Firefly on Ventura in Studio City!

Comedy Goddess said...

The bigger the venue, the bigger the awkward moment. It's a theory. Also, in my case, the bigger the wedding the costlier the divorce. Double sigh.

You are very funny!

Simplicity said...

Oh my goodness! That is one of the funniest stories I've ever read!

Your description is perfect!

Oh...and...HI! I found you through Charmaine. Hope you don't mind me stopping by...

Charmaine said...

If you had any idea how long it took me to figure out what:

"You should have both, hit send and asked" would KNOW that I am mentally retarded.

I kept trying to figure out what it had to do with correcting my grammer. hee hee

bernthis said...

OMG- I was with a friend who has a child only 3 days older than mine and she is about 5 years older than me. we were at a pizza parlor. The waitress came over and said to her: Are you the grandmother?

I don't think I've ever been that uncomfortable in my entire life.

Yours was a great story. You know, you just can't make this stuff up.