Saturday, December 13, 2008

VEGAS 101

Since I decided not to force the whole dating issue anymore I apparently have become more attractive than ever, oh never mind those were hookers that were hitting on me in Vegas...no worries I wasn't looking for a date anyway.

The trip was tons of fun, by tons I mean that from the amount of elaborate meals I consumed that is probably the amount of weight gained in a four day trip.   The food in Vegas just keeps getting better and better and I can't resist going overboard when I am there.  This experience coupled with the time down from the back thing has not been kind to the mid section....oh well that is what today's and tomorrow's are for.

Flew up on Jet Blue out of Long Beach...it's a quick flight so I didn't bother bringing my ipod or any headphones.  BIG MISTAKE,  I ended up sitting next to a young dad with his 20 month old daughter that easily could be the next singer for Guns and Roses....this little cutie had a set of pipes on her that draws blood from ones ears.  I grabbed the flight attendant by the wrist after a few minutes of this and asked her no pleaded with her, any more earphones for sale, oh please please?  She looked at me knowingly and just shook her head no,  I wanted to cry too.  Then I thought wouldn't it be great if I did, not tears but if I just started wailing like the cute little toddler was, and then it started one of those chain reaction crying things, sort of like the dog barking chain in 101 Dalmatians.  By the time I was done laughing in my head and imagining the scenario we were on our decent, I was making faces at the toddler and she was trying to be brave, but you could tell her ears where going nuts, nose running, the whole nine yards.  Oh I remember flying with my daughter but since my wife and I were adults we were prepared.  Yup we drugged our kid before we got on the plane, not sure if it was to be nice, save embarrassment or out of courtesy but a big ole swig of dimetapp was always at hand, followed by a nice little nappy.  I passed on my wisdom to mr. young dad, he looked at me like I was crazy.  We finally landed and she smiled a big smile and then sneezed.  I am sure the next passenger in that seat will love it when he drops his tray and gets his slimy surprise.

I raced off the plane, only my carryon of course, I am a pro at packing and I figure if I am missing something or need something, just buy it there.  The cab line was only 3 deep and I was in and off to the hotel.

Stayed at the Luxor and the room was SUITE, or should I say the suite was sweet.  On the 22nd floor of the East Tower (top floor) with floor to ceiling windows, 800sqft with a full bar, huge bathroom...why do they have regular tvs was my first thought.  Don't you think they would put plasma's in these rooms.  I guess they already have those dumass armories so until they refurnish they are keeping those cheap ass Tvs. At any rate I really wish I could have had a party in this room, it had a dance floor by the bar, how suite (i mean sweet) is that.  Great time to be alone...NOT....

My phone rang and it was my buddy, his plane was on the ground and he was heading straight over to my hotel for a drink, then we could walk to his Hotel so he could check in.  He was staying at the Tropicana, big gambler he is and gets free rooms there on a regular basis.  I walked down to the lobby to get some bets in on the Monday Night game, stopped and threw a Ben Franklin in a video machine on the way and HELL YES on the third hand hit 5 of a kind for 400 bucks....NICE...off and running.

My buddy showed up, we will call him Jeff (why? because that is his name).  We put our losing bets in on the Monday Night Football game and then headed to the bar.  

After some cocktails we headed to the Tropicana so he could check in, when we got there I noticed an amazing amount of guys with cowboy hats and girls with bowed legs....all they were playing in the Casino was Country Music...then I saw the signs...WELCOME RODEO RIDERS....OMG, its the National Rodeo Finals...the whole town will be overrun with these folks.  Like any other group in the world some will be cool, some will just be and some will be assholes...but arsehole cowboys really know how to asshole it up...oh well....my fears where not justified unless you count the drunken cowboy peeing where there wasn't a urinal at NY NY or the one cowgirl that started yelling WTF are you looking at MF never seen a cowgirl before. (i didn't have my glasses on and was trying to read the sign behind her) I didn't have the heart to tell her she wasn't that interesting so I just kept walking.

Jeff went to check in and I dropped some more cash into a video machine...oh crap its on quarters oh well, I can pass the time....and WHAM 4 tress and an ace...hey ding ding ding ding, another 400 bucks....YES loving this so far...hope the tables are this obliging.  I moved to the Dollar Machines and by the time my buddy got back I had given half the money back, understanding that you are not supposed to win in Vegas is paramount...you have to be happy when you win or lose....no biggie either way.  We hit the Black Jack table and let me tell you I didn't see a face card for like 20 hands in a row....9 and a 4, 8 and a 6, over and over and over again.  By the time we had to leave for our dinner reservations I had dumped about 4bills...bad run oh well.  We headed off to the Bellagio, the cab driver told me that business was down 30% and gave me his card.  I told him we would call him for a ride any chance we could, he became our personal cab for the rest of the trip....it was fun having a special cab driver.  The dude reminded me of Babe Hill, if you don't know Babe was Jim Morrisons Body Guard and personal Rodie.  He also was my best boy years later at Universal Studios....

Anyway this is getting really long.....we ate at Picasso in the Bellagio, we ate at Emeril's Fish House at the MGM Grand, Gallaghers at NY NY, and The Cat House at the Luxor....all of them were really good the Foie Gras at Picasso was with roasted peaches and son of a bitch was it delicious...the best thing at Emerils was the Blue Crab de-constructed Crab Cakes with toast points, The Cat House had a trio of Creme Brulee that was world class and well Gallaghers is second only to Peter Luger in my book when it comes to a big ole hunk of meat...yummy..

Anyway the only other thing of real interest was one of our traditions.  We play Roulette at O'Sheas every time we go...it is a Shit Hole and a half.  We never go past the first table which coincidentally is next to the bar.  If I have to go to the bathroom I will cash out and go next door.
The best thing about this place other than it is the only place on the STRIP with IRISH CAR BOMBS is that you can get away with murder as long as you are tipping.  

For some reason I found myself using the term Bitch over and over, not in my regular vocabulary but was getting hammered and turning into Rick James or something....LOL...come on Bitch spin me an Eight, oh Fuck Yeah another God Damn Eight...omg Jeff joined in and we were rolling,  lets face it Roulette is a real game of chance but there are minor strategies.  I hit the 8 twice, 17 twice, 23 twice and 29 once in a matter of like an hour and a half, in between we were betting mountains of dollar chips on Black or even....and of course yelling "that's right Bitch" "gimme another color" the tipping was way over the top and the dealers and pit boss tolerated our antics knowing our luck would turn and they could have the last laugh...but the phone rang and it was Nick the cabbie...he was outside and wanted to know if we were ready...oh hell yes we were.  I cashed out with 4k and Jeff with about the same...NICE...

The rest of the gambling was all about lose lose lose but hey like I said you sure can't just win win win or there wouldn't be a Vegas now would there....but I paid my room bill, put away my flight money, paid for all of our meals, which were not cheap, all the cab rides, tips for everyone and I mean everyone...I think our tab at Picasso was the winner at 7 hundred bucks...but 340 of that was wine. (they have 60m $s worth of original Picasso's in the place for viewing)

The morning I was leaving I checked my bags with the bellman and hit the video poker machines again to kill time.....I was down to 10 bucks and hit 4 deuces for a grand...ahahahahahaha....maybe I should have stuck to Roulette and Video Poker the whole trip but who cares...I left Vegas with the whole trip paid for and an extra 22 hundred bucks in my pocket...

I already put the cash in my Vegas kitty for March.......

Oh I almost forgot we went and saw Chris Angel's show....ummmm how do I put this, oh yeah we walked out...LOL...



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12 comments:

Michelle J said...

Ok please don't get mad, but everytime i think of Las Vegas i think of the movie Rainman where Dustin Hoffman is like reading the cards or something and Tom Cruise is winning or something!!

Ok, i digress:
Your entire narration of your entire Vegas trip is incredibly funny and i kinda started giggling. I do appreciate all the amazing meals you had!! I would have been right there with you except of course not at that meat place!!! I put meat in my mouth but i draw the line at like the real stuff, like steaks and stuff!!! (use imagination here)

So, you and your buddy i'll call him Geoff!! Why? I don't know! Anyway, you guys probably picked up some hot woman and really didn't gamble all night long right??? Dude you had a dance floor!! Why in gods name did you gamble when you could have been doing the chicken dance???

I'm disappointed dude!!!

SSP said...

lol....funnier in the blog version - i think it was the foul mouth color!! I don't know you, but I know people like the person you describe, and I have a good imagination (thank god given the drought in my love life). 2 small french corrections (if you give a dead rat's patootie: it is armoire and foie gras)

Charmaine said...

Hold up. You left with $2,200.00?

I don't believe it. I'm incapable of believing it.

But I'm the girl who plays the penny slots.

JIMSIGHT said...

MJ, I walked into the Suite and immediately though of Rain Man...same type of room without the levels..
oh and you draw that line all you want...ahahaaaha...

Sara, yes you are very right but I was in type as fast as you can mode and never spell checked this once. Yes it was a little more colorful than the e-mail...and it was more colorful live too..

Charming, you have to be prepared to lose before you can win....like most things. Trust me I have come home the other way around on many occasions. Oh and the whole trip was paid for, so I really won close to 45 hundred.

Penny slots, hmmmm have to try that someday...do they have them in the bingo parlor?

Simplicity said...

OMG I hope your ears have stopped bleeding! Screaming children bug me...so does Guns N Roses!
The drugging of children is THE way to go when travelling! That and lots of candy...followed by drugs.

Why do they have regular tvs was your first thought? My first thought was, "Holy frig that's bigger than my apartment!"

None of us here in interweb world received our invites so that's why you were alone!!

LOL at the cowboys and cowgirls! Those girls have some serious attitude going on! I used to live in Alberta and went to Calgary quite often. Where the men are tough and the women are tougher. I think the men prefer spending time with the bulls!!

Oh geez...I can just picture you stompin' around the shithole quipping, "I'm Rick James Bitch! Now hold my beer...I'm too uppity to pee in the urinal here...be right back!" Teehee!

Sounds like a fabulous trip!! Where are the photos?

Briana said...

Once I won $75, and I hate to admit it, but I was ecstatic.

I was on a plane once when a couple with 3 kids (probably 5, 3, and 8 months) had the two seats next to me, and two seats in the row behind me. The father sat in the row behind with the 5 year old and the mom sat next to me holding the baby, with the 3 year old up next to the window.

Having 3 children, I immediately recognized how unfair it was for the mother to be with the 2 youngest kids. They are the hardest to deal with.

She did her best, and the baby really didn't cry much. But when she was having a hard time with the 3 year old, I held the baby for her. But I'm a mom. I know how hard it is to handle 2 small kids, and I like holding babies. So, the net result was that I helped occupy the baby so that he didn't disturb the rest of the passengers. As they say, "It takes a village."

SSP said...

i was coming back from belgium 4 years ago and the woman next to me had a sub one year old who cried the E-N-T-I-R-E flight to Chicago. I kid you not. That whole plane was a village...I held the baby, the harley dude next to me held the baby, folks in first class held the baby, flight attendants held the baby and if there was a lull in her shrieking, they walked her up and down the aisle - i think the only one who didn't hold the baby was the pilot. The poor mom was in tears herself somewhere over the north atlantic....

Briana said...

Oh man, Sara, that sounds horrible. I probably would have been screaming for alcohol if that baby had been crying the whole time. Luckily for me, he was actually relatively content.

Charmaine said...

Merry Christmas handsome.

Charmaine said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JIMSIGHT said...

WILL DO...

Briana said...

Jim, where are you? Haven't heard from you lately!