We gotta get out of this place!
If it's the last thing we ever do ...
We gotta get out of this place,
'cause girl, there's a better life ... for me and you
Ok, not that much time but I promised that I would get back to "FANCY".
Fancy invited me to attend a "Cocktail Party", ugh! It would be a chance for her friends to meet me, double ugh! Plus it was in Rancho Santa Margarita of all places. I once had a shirt made that said on the back
INLAND
I DON'T GET IT
I still don't and thought about it every time I drove to the "Fancy" household. It would be 78 in good ole HB and I would drive to Yorba Linda to pick Fancy up and by the time I arrived, easy 100 and this day was noooo different.
Of course I arrived a few minutes early, I called though wasn't going to do that make myself wait in the car thing, it was melty hot out. Had the air conditioner pointing at the flowers during the drive up so as not to have them wilt on me. She did the same crazy ritual with them, I swear on my first of many dead hamsters grave that it took a minimum of one full eternity this time.
Why can't I just turn and walk out the door, oh yeah that't right, I am a widower of a couple years whose wife was very ill for a very long time and that currently has no clue in Gods name as to what he is doing. He does know however that whatever it is that he is doing, he surely doesn't want to do it alone forever. There I said it, wasn't going to bring any of that into any of this dating thing and sorry for doing it, but not so much really; I was thinking Son of a Bitch these folks are going to think you are the biggest loser/pussy that ever walked the planet, well undeniably I was very close to it, but at least this leaves me the wiggle of room of guilty with an explanation.
Drove down on the toll road, it's always amazing to see how much open area still remains in California. Our annual California Fire storms were still in full swing and much of the area had been burned out. Lots of Black Rolling Hills but no Rocky Raccoon. As we neared our exit you could see the smoke. I thought to myself Inland-I don't get it.
Much to my surprise the Cocktail Party was at a small condo, one of Fancy's friends boyfriends house. His garage turned wine cellar was bigger than the rest of the condo..interesting. He had some nice vintage Pinot's and offered them up, best part of the night. None of the ladies had cocktail dresses on and no one was drinking cocktails.....oh with the exception of "Fancy" of course...cute little black cocktail dress and Cosmo in hand. I of course was way over dressed as well, hell I was specifically invited to a Cocktail party in what I was under the impression would be the affluent part of Rancho Santa Margarita. Most of the guys jammed in with there shorts and Haywain prints. Sheesh what a party.
Turns out that all of the women and a few of the men were all from New York and please don't get me wrong I love New York City, I mean I love to visit New York City. Stay at the Waldorf, shop, go to shows, Time Square, Little Italy to Lombardi's for Pizza, China Town and of course The Met...all that being said, when you are visiting Manhattan do you ever notice a heavy NY accent, I don't. Maybe in Long Island, Brooklyn, Staten Island, but not Manhattan. Well with each tick of the clock the accents got thicker, the conversation became oblique at best, and out of the middle of it all was a familiar tone, I focused for a moment as that was all I could stand to, yes right in the center holding court over the New York Accent club was Fancy...in all her glory, black Cocktail Dress and Pearls...was she wearing those when I picked her up? Really?
When all was said and done, I had done my part. Her friends thought the well dressed stranger was very polite, even a little dashing even. I should have worn an ascot that would of put me over the top for sure.
The drive home was seemingly never ending, Fancy recanted stories of her youth in Brooklyn, she talked of her first marriage(did she just say first), then about her brother that she hated, hey this is starting to get good...finally and then I almost drove off the toll road and killed us both when she said it, and she said it with all the earnestness at her command, she gathered herself and took my hand and said, "now Jim I have to tell you this to be fair to you". "I know what a battle you went thru taking care of your wife (Joanne was sick for 7 years with renal cell carcinoma), and well I have to tell you I have FIBROMYALGIA"...
I only had one experience with anyone claiming to have this undiagnosable disease, I used to say she had Fibromyasshurts because all she did was sit around on it. If they prove it I will forever be sorry, but kick me in the nuts when they do cause I want to feel their pain. Did she really just try and compare that to ....no...deny deny deny...she is slightly drunk...I will give her the benefit of the doubt, but can this really be her Disability, can they do that? How can an undiagnosable disease be connected to an undisclosed wrist ailment...my head hurts.
God I wish this date was funnier....so sorry but thought it was going to be, it was just a train wreck. I am a boy, I try to justify it all in my head, figure out what needs to be done to fix it.
Promise, funny next time.
9 comments:
But Jim, Tragic IS funny.
Fancy's only crime is that she is as dumb as a rock.
Further, talking about your life and your wife doesn't make you a pansy, rather, it's moving.
In fact, you could do an entire blog about your wife. Or a book. I'd read it.
Well I did say funnier..I told you about how tragically funny the day we went to the hospital for the last time was, and yes book sure
"RE: The Late Great Mrs. Priest"
(my heart actually skipped a beat when I typed that)
I think mine just did too. Weird.
I'm certain that she was amazing. Afterall, she married you despite the fact that you gave her such a crazy last name.
Hey Dad, go visit Mrs. Priest. You can hold her hand.
(My dad was great at that)
She would like that for sure, I am also sure that she will call him honey. She was great at that.
We spent many a New Years Eve at the VA Hospital. She always took call on NYE.
I pick up a bundh of Lobster dinners at the Arches and join her, we would roam the halls sharing with the patients in the long term Spinal Unit.
She would hold their hands and call them honey. They all loved her.
OMG, really, what is wrong with her????? Is she for real?? I need more about Fancy (more about how this "relationship" ended soon after the cocktail party in the IE...I hope). Seriously, why did you not pull over and throw her ass out of the car??? I'm with Charmaine, I can definitely hear more about your wife any day. I need a kleenex now damn it....
Wow. She and my Dad are gonna get along GREAT.
They're probably jitter-bugging and have forgotten all about us.
Ya know, you could carry on the NYE tradition of the late great Mrs. Priest. You could do still do it.
Only if your dad can tug her along, I have heared that you gain skills in heaven you never had on earth, so maybe they are dancing up a storm.
Doubt those horny old vets would appreciate the lobster as much without the cute little Anesthesia chick feeding it to them but who knows.
I agree with Char. Sometimes tragic (in the dating world) is hilarious.
So true about the Inland thing. Everytime I would drag my ex out there for some family function he would say about a million times, "why the fuck would anyone live out here?"
(Sorry for the f word, but it's a direct quote.)
Alright already, I get that you beach types don't like being anywhere but the beach. But when that big earthquake hits and California falls into the ocean, you'll be sorry, and then those of us in Colorado will finally have beach-front property.
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